Encouragement vs. Praise
Praise may seem to work and motivate good behavior temporarily; but what are the long term results? Praise may feel good for the moment but what does it invite children to decide about themselves?
Praise:
- All A's. You get a big reward.
- I'm so proud of you.
- I'm glad you listened to me.
- I like what you did!
- You are such a good boy/girl.
- You did it just like I told you.
Encouragement:
- You worked hard; you deserve it.
- You must be proud of yourself.
- How do you feel about it?
- You figured it out for yourself.
- I trust your judgement.
- You can decide what is best for you.
- I have faith in you to learn from mistakes.
- I love you no matter what.
This is not meant to make us paranoid for giving praise once in a while. Praise, like candy, can be enjoyable on occasion but too much can be unhealthy and addictive. Encouragement, however, should be the staple that you give to yourself and your family every day. Encouragement allows your children to see themselves as being capable and it values their effort rather than focusing on perfection or pleasing others.
